Coop and Meg get drunk off of boxed wine. Coop finally calls the number to accept the offer of being the next bachelorette on EXception or EXit.
Hey there! You’re back! So happy to have you here. Coop is still upset about how her life has turned out as of late, but at least one of us is happy. I mean it isn’t worse than what’s happened to her in the past. I mean come on, she’s going to get a chance at love!
“Shut up, Val.”
Coop sips the last of the boxed white wine.
Anyhoo . . . if you missed last week’s episode, this may be the time you’d be expecting me to recap what happened. I’m not going to. You can go read it. It’s really easy and it’s only like five minutes. Come on it’ll be fun.
“At least you’re kind of an asshole to everyone, Val.”
Quiet now Coop. It’s time for bed. You’re drunk.
It’s the next morning. Coop’s alarm goes offs. She forgot to turn off the automatic setting when she decided to take another day off. She pops up from under her sheets and her hair is all over the place.
“Uuugh. I don’t want to get up,” she groans.
Coop goes to step out of the bed.
Coop stumbles onto the floor after stepping on Meg.
“What are you doing?” Coop asks Meg.
“I was sleeping, but someone just stepped on me!”
“No. I mean what are you doing on my floor?”
Meg sits up and looks around. It’s almost as if she didn’t realize she wasn’t in her own bed at home.
“I . . . I don’t know. Did I go home last night?” Meg asks.
Both Coop’s and Meg’s brows furrow as they begin to ponder what happened last night. Coop looks up at the sky. Oh. I guess she’s looking for me to recap. Well, I guess since I didn’t recap last week’s episode, I could do this.
Last night, after Meg went off on Coop for being a crazy lady-
“Watch it,” Coop growls.
Okay, okay. Last night, after Meg went off on Coop, Coop agreed that she would call the phone number listed in the packet, but only if Meg didn’t meddle in her love life ever again even if she begged her to and also only if they each downed a box of wine. Man, that was a really long sentence. Anyway, so Meg agreed and grabbed the two boxes from the kitchen and brought them to the living room. The two of them drank lots of wine and watched scary movies and ate popcorn and dressed Joe up in ridiculous dog clothes and prank called Jared and Meg’s dad. Meg got up to use the restroom at some point and never came back. Coop finished her box of wine, plus what Meg left in hers and then I shooed her up to sleep. She stepped over Meg’s passed out body on the floor . . . yes, she was breathing . . . and then she also went to sleep.
You’re welcome, Coop.
“I think I remember you saying you had to go to the bathroom. You must have fallen asleep up here after.”
Meg picks something out of her hair.
“How did I get popcorn in my hair?”
“Maybe we shouldn’t drink so much wine next time?”
“Maybe . . . but it was like practice for you!” Meg shouts.
That was even too loud for me. I don’t know how two people who drank a shit load of wine could stand that.
“What do you mean?” Coop asks Meg.
“You know how much free booze you’re gonna get on that show? If it’s anything like #TheBachelor, you’re going to always have a glass of wine in your hand.”
She’s not wrong.
“So, what are we going to do after you call them?”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do? We’re supposed to be sick remember?”
There she goes with the squealing again.
“You’re gonna need some new clothes for the show!”
Meg stands up like she didn’t drink an entire box of red wine and runs downstairs to the living room. She grabs the packet and runs back upstairs.
Oh, she’s making me dizzy.
“Are you sure you didn’t drink any of the sweet wine?” Coop asks me, crossing her arms.
No, of course not. How could I possibly do that? I’m just a voice.
“Hmmmm . . . I’m onto you mister.”
Meg thrusts Coop the page with the phone number on it.
Coop picks up her phone from off of the bed and dials the number. It rings a few times before someone picks up and says hello.
“Hi, my name is Coop Smith. I was chosen to be the next bachelorette on EXception or EXit.”
Catch another episode of Bah Hum Love next week on the Shay Shay AF blog!