Updated: Feb 21, 2019
Meet Coop. Cupid Olive Smith is a wonderful young lady. She’s got a great job, a cute little apartment, and awesome sauce friends.
“Why’d you have to tell them my government name? It’s Coop, okay? Not Cupid.”
Coop takes a seat at her desk, dropping the contents of her lunchbox on the floor in the process.
“Cupid . . .”
She mumbles to herself.
“. . . what a silly name. I don’t know what my parents were thinking. I don’t even like Valentine’s Day.”
Coop is single. She hates Valentine’s Day.
“I literally just said that.”
Coop wonders if she’s losing her mind because she just realized there’s a voice narrating her life . . . and she’s conversing with him . . . or it.
“Hello? Do I know you?”
“It’s official. I’ve gone insane.”
Coop plops down in her chair and takes off her jacket. She bends down to start picking up the things she dropped, when Jared, one of her coworkers, steps into the entrance of her cubicle.
“What are you doing here?”
Jared snarkily takes a bite of his apple.
Coop looks up to the sky.
“At least you’re narrating other people’s every move as well,” she whispers.
“What?” Jared asks.
“What do you want, Jared?”
Jared annoys Coop.
“Ain’t that the truth.”
“Who are you talking to?”
Jared looks up to the sky, trying to find the source of Coop’s conversing.
“Jared?” Coop snaps. “Down here. What do you want?”
Jared looks back at Coop as he takes another bite of his apple.
“What are you doing here?” he asks again with his mouth full.
“My thoughts exactly.”
Coop, stop talking to me. Answer the man, so we can move on.
“Why wouldn’t I be here? It’s Thursday. Unfortunately, we have one more day before the weekend.”
Coop finishes picking up her things and repacks her lunchbox.
“You never come to work on Valentine’s Day.”
Coop’s heart stops suddenly . . . not in the sense that she just died. You get it, she’s just in utter shock.
“Repeat that,” she says to Jared.
“You never come to work on Valentine’s Day. Don’t you usually stay home and get drunk and wallow in self pity?” Jared laughs . . .
. . . like a tool.
Coop slaps her forehead.
Coop rolls over to the calendar on her desk.
“No, no, no, no, no,” she squeals.
Jared is still laughing like a tool.
“Yup,” he says as he walks away.
“It can’t be Valentine’s Day. How could I forget?” Coop mumbles.
She looks at her calendar and low and behold, it is Valentine’s Day.
“Hey, Coop!” Noah, the mailroom guy walks up to Coop’s cubicle. “What brings you here today? It’s Valentine’s Day, you know?”
Noah notices the scowl on Coop’s face.
“I mean Singles Awareness Day.” He chuckles, not like a tool.
“I knoooooooow,” Coop whines. “How could I forget?”
She looks at her wristwatch. “It’s already after eight. I should be a whole drink in by now.”
Like I said before, Coop hates Valentine’s Day. Ever since--
“Can you not? I don’t want to hear that story right now. What’s your name anyway?”
Uuuuuh . . . no one’s ever asked me my name before. Wow. I’m flattered. I can’t believe it.
“Dude. Your name?”
Val. It’s Val, like Valentine. Thanks for asking.
“Really? Valentine? Uuuuugh.”
Sorry . . . well, uhm, yes. So, Coop hates Valentine’s Day. Apparently we’re not going to get into the why at the moment, but ever since that thing that happened, Coop made her own Valentine’s Day tradition.
Excuse me, Singles Awareness Day tradition. She wakes up at the same time she would for work. She lets her dog out to pee. She fixes herself a drink with liquor. She watches the news and listens to her favorite morning radio show like she would every morning. However, every time she hears the word Valentine’s, she takes a sip of her drink. She’s usually drunk by 9:00 am.
“You forgot? That’s weird,” Noah says.
“I know.” Coop drops her hands in her lap in defeat. “I’ve never forgotten before. I’ve got so much work to do, but I can’t break tradition. I’ve got to go home, right? Do I look sick?”
“You’re actually pretty pale and I think you’re sweating.”
“Yup. Time to go. Gotta call the boss.”
“Well here,” Noah reaches his hand out to give Coop a large envelope. “Take this. It looks interesting.”
“What is it?” Coop asks as she takes the envelope from Noah’s hand.
“I don’t know, but it’s got the LTV logo on it.”
Love Television. I love that network.
“LTV? What would they be sending me?”
Meg, another one of Coop’s coworkers, overhears and runs over to Coop’s cubicle, almost knocking Noah over.
“Aaaaah! Did you say LTV?”
Coop looks up at Meg, confused.
“Yeah . . .”
“Open it! Open it!”
“Okay . . .”
Coop slowly opens the envelope. I wish she would open it faster, so we could find out what’s in the frickin’ envelope already.
She finally pulls out the paper. It says ‘Congratulations! You’ve been selected as our new bachelorette for the show EXception or EXit.’ The rest of the print is too small for me to read.
“Congratulations? This must be a mistake. I didn’t sign up for any show.”
Meg jumps up and down. “Yay! I knew you’d get accepted!”
“Meg, what did you do?”
Oh yes Meg, what did you do?
Catch another episode of Bah Hum Love next week on the Shay Shay AF Blog